Has your best friend ever betrayed you?
When your best friend is lost: 9 reasons
You always held together, got along without words, celebrated every shit together and suffered many hangovers and lovesickness together. A few years ago you would never have imagined that your best friend could be lost. I know this well and I encourage you to think about the reasons. Maybe the friendship is not over yet?
When a close, long-standing friendship falls apart, it can be almost as bad as lovesickness. Your favorite person is suddenly gone. The one who knew you as only your friend knows you. The pain is almost as bad at 35 as at 25 or 15. With age you learn to deal with it differently because you have already met many people and know how relationships can change.
The first step in dealing with it better and looking ahead is to understand why and to look at it soberly. Even if it sounds like the cheesiest saying from the poetry album: Two people always belong to a broken relationship. Maybe my thoughts will help you to understand the situation better and maybe to save your friendship after all.
# 1 You have changed.
Do you always look to her for the end of your friendship? That won't get you anywhere. First of all, start with yourself and consider how you have changed. Maybe your current life situations and interests just don't fit together as they used to. You may have changed yourself through certain experiences in such a way that it is no longer as easy for you to look at everything as you used to. Does that mean your friendship is broken? Talk to her and try to explain your feelings to her. Either you find each other again or you are too far apart. See it as an opportunity for a new beginning!
# 2 She has changed.
Nobody is an automaton. Depending on the age at which you got to know them: One thing is for sure, everyone will develop and change one way or another. That can be at 18 but also at 28. A big change in our life is usually the transition from school to an apprenticeship or study or the first job. Life now demands different priorities and that changes us. She suddenly doesn't want to go to parties with you? That doesn't have to be your fault, it just might mean that she has a different focus right now. The situation is of course different if she suddenly turns away from you or shows destructive or depressive behavior. Maybe you are worried about her too! Find out what could have happened in her life that made her withdraw or act like this. It is important to understand each other and to approach each other. Then only the question remains: Do you just have nothing more to say to each other or is there still a chance?
# 3 Her newbie doesn't get along with you.
It's really bad when she meets her dream guy and from now on has no more time for you. In the initial honeymoon phase, you should understand that and let the two of them turtle first. But when the butterfly time has passed, she should have an ear for you again. However, if you feel that their newbie doesn't like you very much or is preventing them from meeting you, then you should make a clear statement. If she lets him influence her like that, it's a shame and sad. He doesn't have to like you the way she likes you, but he should accept your friendship. The best thing to do is to clarify this with her and tell her how you feel. Your friendship doesn't have to break as a result.
# 4 She lied to you.
It can be very difficult to continue a friendship if there is a breach of trust. If you find out from others that they are gossiping about you behind your back, then you should ask yourself if you both noticed that friendship the same way. Then it's also less tragic when you realize what she really is. However, if the lie is bigger and affects an important part of your life, it is very harsh. Talk to her directly afterwards. If she denies it, she may not be worth your fighting over and you should consider whether you need someone like that in your life. Perhaps there has long been someone around you who could take their place and has just waited for you to be open to new contacts?
# 5 You live in different cities now.
If your friendship with her began at a time when you saw each other often and did many things, it can be very difficult to live in different cities. Especially when both of you work and live in a relationship, there is hardly any time to see each other. A visit needs to be planned and the schedule is often crowded. This situation requires a lot of understanding and a lot of trust. You can't expect her to talk to you on the phone every day or write on WhatsApp all the time. Now it's up to you to take the first step and propose a meeting.
My advice: Book a BFF weekend together in a wellness hotel at an annual fixed date. Of course, this does not replace everyday life and spontaneous conversations, but it helps you not to lose each other completely and to draw on this shared experience.
# 6 She has family and you are forever on the lookout.
Often the best friend is lost when the personal situation changes. A big turning point in life is marriage and starting a family. When one is pregnant and the other is more likely to jump from one relationship to the next, personal interests change and the focus in life changes. It's clear that as a mom, she's barely interested in your dating stories anymore. Don't blame her for that. It is similarly the other way around: If you are just starting a family and they are traveling through world history, you hardly have a common denominator. This requires a lot of understanding, but also the courage to approach each other again later and see whether you still feel comfortable with each other and whether your friendship can continue on a different basis.
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# 7 The circle of friends has changed completely.
A new job, a new hobby or a new city often brings new people with it. Sometimes these people have a bigger impact on us than we think and suddenly the cafe or pub you used to meet is no longer good enough. Maybe your style or your taste in clothes and music has also changed. In principle, it is also possible to be friends with very many different people who do not all know each other. It depends on how tolerant you are and whether you can handle the changes or are still clinging to the past. If you are solid in your character, your friendship should be able to withstand this. In addition, it is never wrong to meet new people and broaden your horizons. So just don't stop making new relationships because the past keeps you trapped.
# 8 You moved in together.
In my experience, things don't always go well when best friends move in together. Good friends naturally accept the quirks of others. But it makes a big difference whether you are forced to see each other in a stressful everyday life or meet relaxed at the weekend to celebrate or go on trips together. The lack of distance from one another can be too much and the argument about washing the dishes or the cleaning schedule can kill the carefree. So think carefully about whether it's worth it or whether you can find a way not to let everyday life kill your friendship.
# 9 Your standard of living has changed.
The friendship breaks because you have developed very different standards of living? One can afford high fashion, an expensive wellness vacation and can order the most expensive cocktail and the other works until she drops for a starvation wage and has to turn every penny twice? There are those moments when you are jealous of your best friend because she has something you don't have yourself.If she lives in a world that no longer has anything in common with yours, there is no common ground. Money can destroy character and friendship. But it rarely helps to always just condemn the situation of others. You don't know if she hasn't worked hard for her standard and you're just jealous. It can also be the other way around: you can afford everything, but you are jealous of their happy little family. Put yourself in their shoes and try to see your situation from the other side. What would you think of yourself This often helps me to understand the other person better and to empathize with them.
Basically, of course, everyone deals differently with relationships that change. The best way to judge how it is with you is to find out whether you are more of a gut or a head person. Our test helps you to assess yourself better.
iStock / Getty Images Plus / Wavebreakmedia, princigalli Giphy
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