Don't you want a baby
Do I want to become a father?
The decision for or against an abortion must be made in the first three months. The final decision rests with the expectant mother. Your opinion as a father is still very important - especially if your girlfriend is unsure.
It must be clear by the end of the third month of pregnancy at the latest: Do you want the child or do you want an abortion? Termination is only possible within the first twelve weeks of pregnancy after conception under certain conditions. Later it is only allowed if the mother's health is endangered by the pregnancy (medical indication).
In order not to come under time pressure, it is best to take action at the first suspicion and check whether you are pregnant. A clear sign of pregnancy is the absence of menstrual bleeding. You can take a pregnancy test from the time your girlfriend is supposed to have her period. You can buy it without a prescription in drugstores or pharmacies for around 10 euros. Perhaps you can find out beforehand where such a test is offered particularly cheaply.
Sometimes the typical signs of pregnancy are missing or they are not noticed. Or a pregnancy test that has been carried out turns out negative (= not pregnant) because errors have occurred during use. Then it can take several weeks before you notice that you are pregnant. Therefore, if the test result was negative or unclear, one pregnancy test is too much better than one too little.
It's your turn
Some couples quickly agree on whether or not they want to have the child. For many, however, pregnancy comes as a complete surprise and they need time to come to terms with it. It also often happens that people have different opinions and still have to argue about the “right” decision.
From a legal point of view, a pregnant woman may not be forced to terminate or carry the pregnancy to term. Even as a father-to-be, you have no right of decision, although you are particularly affected. If this makes you feel passed out and angry, that's understandable. Take a deep breath and realize that you have to accept the situation. If you lose your nerve now, you can break a lot.
Your girlfriend needs you to consult with you and share responsibility for the decision - especially when she is not entirely sure what she wants to do. If you both have different ideas, it makes little sense to just argue. It is what it is: she is pregnant. Try to find out together which things speak in favor of a life with a child and which are against it. Advice is usually a valuable aid.
Find out your own opinion
Your opinion on pregnancy may be asked more than you think. But what is your opinion? Have you already thought about what a joint decision might look like? Perhaps the following questions will help you to get more clarity:
- What do you like about the idea of having a child now?
- What makes you “stomach ache” when you think about becoming a father? Do you have a major concern?
- How well do you get on with your girlfriend? Do you want to become parents with her?
- How could you go on in your education and at work if you had a child? Are you informed about the possibilities of financial support for young families?
- Are you well informed about the termination of pregnancy (deadlines, costs, how it is carried out, etc.)? Do you have fundamental, for example moral, concerns?
- Could you imagine putting your child up for adoption or taking them to a foster family on a temporary basis?
- Who could support you?
- Who could help you when the child is here?
Deal with the demolition
Abortion is not an easy decision. If you have made the decision to want to have an abortion, this step can be a relief for you and your girlfriend. But it can just as well happen that you are sad. If you wanted to be a father, you might be mad at your girlfriend too. But even if you were against abortion, you have to accept that your friend decided to do it.
If you want, you can accompany your girlfriend to the doctor's office or clinic in the event of an abortion. The prerequisite is, of course, that she wishes that. Even if she is home after the abandonment, it would be nice if you are there for her.
If you find that you need someone to look after you yourself, that's completely normal. After all, it was your child who will not be born now. Sometimes saying goodbye is easier if you do a little ritual: For example, you can throw a stone with your child's desired name into a river, shoot a rocket into the sky on New Year's Eve or think of something completely different that suits you.
The clearest physical sign of a possible pregnancy is the absence of menstruation. However, light bleeding is sometimes possible, especially at the beginning of a pregnancy, which can be mistaken for menstrual bleeding. Other signs of pregnancy are, for example, feelings of tension in the breasts, tiredness, nausea (especially in the morning), pulling in the abdomen, an aversion to certain foods or special preferences. The belly does not become visibly thicker in the first few weeks. If your menstruation does not occur at the expected time or if other signs of pregnancy are detectable, a pregnancy test from the pharmacy or drugstore or in a medical practice can provide you with certainty.
You can get a pregnancy test in drugstores or pharmacies. Inexpensive tests are available from around five euros. Expensive pregnancy tests that have an electronic display, for example, can cost up to 20 euros. However, expensive pregnancy tests are not qualitatively better or safer than the inexpensive ones. Some packs contain two test strips in case you have done something wrong or want to test again a few days later to be on the safe side. In some pregnancy counseling centers, adolescents can take a pregnancy test for free or very cheaply. Of course, the gynecologist can also determine with a high degree of certainty whether you are pregnant.
If, as a father, you do not live with your child, you generally have to pay maintenance as soon as you have your own income. However, there is a so-called deductible. This is an amount that you are allowed to use for your own living. You only have to pay child support from the income that goes beyond this. You can contact the youth welfare office to have your maintenance obligation clarified. In training, your income will probably not exceed the deductible. You only have to pay child support when you earn accordingly well. The amount then depends on your income and the age of the child. Inquire at the youth welfare office whether you can apply for a reduction in maintenance to zero euros. As long as you only have a low income, the advance maintenance fund pays the maintenance for your child.
Expectant fathers also have the right to detailed personal advice. If you have a friend who is expecting a child, it is important that you deal with what this fatherhood means to you independently from her. With the help of a counselor, you can calmly clarify what your personal attitude towards pregnancy is and what options your legal and financial situation offers you.
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